Plus Sized Girls At The Night Club
September 26, 2018
Here’s The Skinny On Plus Sized Girls
Wake Up! Plus sized girls are better soul mates and here’s why I say that.
I gotta admit I have a bit of a thing for plus sized girls, and honestly I’d much rather date one than a slim one. I love to eat and you know a bigger girl is gonna be your partner in crime when it comes to dining. When I go out to eat, I go out to eat! I ain’t trying to pick at appetizer-sized portions, I want a meal and I don’t ever have leftovers. Plus sized girls that can tackle a meal and a cocktail are the kind of girls I wanna spend a Friday night with. When I hit the club for some 2-step action on the dance floor, I have my eyes on the girls in the plus size nightclub dresses! The way they be shaken to the groove makes a man like me wanna swoop in from behind and whisper something sexy in her ear, like “hey baby, how about you and me leave this club and go get some conversation started over some chicken and waffles”. You can’t say something sexy like that to a skinny girl, she might turn around and toss a drink in your face.
Plus sized girls in plus-sized dresses just have a way about them that demands a mans attention, the way they walk, the way they talk, there is something about them that’s like voodoo for a dude like me. The plus size nightclub dresses I like on a woman are elegant, not too revealing, but show enough leg and shoulder that inspire me to ask the fine lady for a dance. The club can be a crazy place full of gold dig’n women and scum bag men, so finding a plus-sized girl in the club who carries herself like a lady is like finding a diamond in the rough. Of course, having a guy like me approach them for a dance is something special also, how many times have you had smooth operator approach you in the club and ask you if you wanna go get some chicken and waffles? That might not be the line most girls wanna hear, but my plus sized ladies know what I’m talk’n about, and the fellas definitely know what I’m talk’n about. If you ain’t ever had chicken and waffles after dancing at the best night club in Texas, you miss’n out. One thing you wanna be cautious of though is getting syrup on your club clothes!
The plus-sized girls I meet in the club enjoy extra butter and syrup on their waffles and I have seen plenty of them dribble some and make a mess of they plus-sized dress. This may be an opportunity for you though, I mean think about it. You hit the club, meet a fine plus sized girl dance’n on the floor, you whisper in her ear in the most sexy voice you got “hey baby, how about some chicken and waffles?” Next thing you know you at the waffle shack and she’s got two orders in front of her, now that’s love at first sight if you ask me! Next thing you know she got chicken grease and syrup on her fancy look’n plus-sized dress and is trying to clean it up with some wet naps. That’s when you make your move and invite her back to your place to wash the dress. It’s an easy invite if you lure her with some Ben and Jerry’s, if she says yes to that you might as well start planning the wedding.
Wake Up And Smell The THC Coffee
September 12, 2018
Wake And Bake With THC Coffee!
Wake Up! Or do you need a cup of Joe first to get the blood pumping? How about some coffee to get you up and some THC to get you high? With the legalization of Marijuana around the country, THC is being infused into just about anything you can ingest, huff, puff, or inhale! These new lines of THC coffees have me excited for many reasons, but two specifically.
- I love coffee.
- I love THC.
The list referenced above is a true story, believe it or not! A morning cup of Joe infused with some purple kush just might be the kinds of fuel my brain needs to get work done around here! It’s as natural as the earth itself and has plenty of health benefits to go along with it. We all know that coffee is a major source of anti oxidants, and if you didn’t know, full spectrum hemp oils are power house sources of nutritional value. Combine the two and you have a true mind, body, and soul experience that is sure to make the day great. Imagine waking up in the morning and brewing a Keurig coffee cup in an instant that’s a combination of caffeine and THC. That would be the most convenient dosage ever and I guarantee the community of cannabis consumers would sip that Joe fo sho!
There are already a ton of coffees on the market that have infused THC with the coffee bean and brewers everywhere are jumping at the bit to get in on the action. Here are a few companies that are stoning the competition!
• Koala Coffee
This cold brewed bottle of coffee infused goodness is enough to get the blood pump’n and the brain cells puff’n. This cold bottle of hippie brew comes with a 25g dose of THC to make the day the happiest it can be!
• Brew Budz – A Cannabiniers Brand
This brew and bud combo was built to be used in any of the pod friendly devices out there on the market. I’m talking k-cup style THC infused coffee. Coffee pods plus pot equal a pot of pot coffee. See where I’m going with this?
• Canyon Cultivation Coffee
This dose of dope infused brew consists of 10mg of THC and 100mg of caffeine. Talk about the perfect ratio! I like just enough THC to spark the mental, followed with enough caffeine to turn those creative thoughts into action. One without the other is like food without the salt, it just ain’t that good.
• House Of Jane Cannabis Coffee Pods
Another brand that is getting into the pod market, these pot infused pods are the perfect way to start your day. Most people have jobs, and jobs suck! A cup of this in the AM will surely make that shitty work day more manageable. For those of you with actual careers, this just makes everything better – see, this is for everyone!
• Pot O Coffee
Another play on the word game, thought I was first with the slick talk until I came across this brand. I can dig it, they are cool enough to create a brand of hand crafted infused cannabis coffee, I’m sure if I ever met the mastermind behind this batch of love we would end up blazing one over a cold brew.
• Therapy Tonics
I am a huge fan of all these tonics that have hit the market. I see them infused with various herbs and roots, but this hemp infused tonic is the chronic! They have a wide variety of flavors to offer, enough THC to get the gears of the mind in motion, and I like anything therapeutical, so this is a no brainer.
• Ganja Grindz
I like ganja, I like coffee, and I like to grind. Waking up and grind’n out my day has always been the way of this guy. Gimme some THC infused Ganja Grindz and my mindz ablaze in ways never known to folks. If you hire me, just don’t give me a drug test, because I will fail miserably.
Clogging Toilets At Rogers Centre
August 28, 2018
How A Blue Jays Game Turned Into A Plumbing Nightmare
I went up to Toronto August 3rd to catch the Blue Jays and Mariners game (results here) with my buddy. We are both fans of the Jays, in fact, we have been Toronto fans since the days of George Bell if that tells you anything! Anyway, whenever we are in Toronto we eat like kings and drink like fish, there is nothing healthy about that trip when we make it. The game was awesome, the Jays beat the Mariners 7-2 which gave us even more reasons to celebrate!
During the game though, my stomach started churning, and I had to take a dump bad. I can usually fight off the cramps and gurgles, but when I start sweating it’s time to make a dash to the can! My buddy knew what was up, we have been around each other long enough that when he saw that look on my face it was clear that I needed to get to the restroom immediately. I jumped out of my seat and walked to the restroom at a pretty decent pace. When I arrived there was a small line, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it, or if I was going to just have to drop this load in my shorts and flush them down the toilet. As my turn was approaching, I could feel this thing turtle necking and trying to push its way out my bum. The sweat was pouring on hard, I had pitted out my shirt, and my forehead was dripping.
After standing for almost 10 minutes in line, I reached point of no return, I had a little slip and totally sharted. I couldn’t tell if it was visible yet from behind, so I just closed my eyes and waited for the next bathroom stall to open. Some old guy cam wondering out of the stall and I almost knocked him over trying to get in there before he even had a chance to get out. Once I entered the stall, I couldn’t get my drawers off quick enough, within seconds I was sitting on the toilet and letting loose. I’m pretty sure everyone in Rogers Centre heard the disaster that was taking place. After 15 minutes of toilet time, two flushes, and half gallon of sweat, I was ready to wipe up and get out of there. The only issue I had was the start stained underwear I had been wearing, I wasn’t about to pull those back up and watch the rest of the games with them on.
So, I made a beer influenced decision and decided that my compression underwear was thin enough to flush down the toilet. Ask me why I made that decision when I’m sober and couldn’t tell you, catch me with a few beers in me and ask and I’ll tell you I had no choice. Prior to flushing though, I wound the underwear up into something that resembled a rope, something that could easily slither it’s way through the Rogers Centre plumbing system and into the sewer lines. It was this intoxicated reasoning that led me to one of the most embarrassing plumbing disasters I have ever been a part of.
I twisted up the underwear and slid it into the toilet like a snake, I have had poops that resembled this so I figured I was safe. Once the underwear was pretty much out of site I decided to flush, what I should have done is just left it and let the next guy flush. I pushed down the handle and it was an experience that was lived out in slow motion. I could hear the water struggling to drain and watched it start to back up, as the water was backing up it was almost like it was sucking everything back out of the pipes and into the toilet bowl. The water was getting darker, toilet paper was resurfacing, and I was in a panic, what did I just do?
I tried to casually walk out of the stall, but that’s kinda hard to do when there are 20 people behind you trying to use that toilet. I waived it off as if I knew nothing about why the toilet was clogged, but as I turned the corner to wash my hands I heard someone say “hey, there is underwear in this toilet”. By this time the water was overflowing and the place was turning into a scene of chaos. They needed the best drain cleaning services in Toronto to clean that mess up. Hopefully they were able to reach a qualified plumber in time to get the toilet fixed before the 7th inning stretch.
I returned to my seat almost 40 minutes later only to see my buddy laughing hysterically at me. My shirt was soaked in sweat, my face red from embarrassment, and he knew it was time for a beer. We left the game early and headed over to the best pub in Toronto for some cold ones. Not sure I will ever return to Rogers Centre after that one.
Dating Girls In Oklahoma
August 7, 2018
Finding An Okie Chick To Date
If you just moved to Oklahoma and are having some issued finding a girl to date that’s not a Thunder fan, good luck! Seems every girl you cross paths with out there is screaming Westbrooks name even in the off season. It’s not like they ever won a championship, except when they were in Seattle and were playing as the Sonics, they got one then, but have never been good enough since being stolen from Seattle to make a legit run in the finals. Look, I’m not here to bash the team, I’m here to bash the girls I keep meeting that act like the team is the best thing to happen to basketball.
I was at an OKC bar last month on business and struck up a good conversation with you gal I would have considered dating material. She had a beautiful smile, held a solid conversation about a wide range of topics, could drink a few beers, and seemed like a genuine person. These are the kinds of people I enjoy meeting when I’m traveling, and since I frequent OKC I need to know where to find more chicks like this to date. She had some ideas she threw out there for a second date, she seemed real familiar with the area and live most of her life there. I’m a fan of culture and good food and it seemed she her finger on the pulse of the OKC food and art scene.
We committed to meet up the following weekend for a drink and night at the OKCMOA. We met up at a local brewery called the Anthem Brewing Company and threw back a few bottles of beer. It was just enough to get us both to open up and converse beyond the surface material we had been talking about. Some decent discussions about life, goals, and dreams. It was a cool hour spent at the brewery before we ventured off to the OKCMOA.
The OKCMOA is a pretty cool art museum downtown. They have local art pieces on display in addition to some rotating pieces that were making their way around the country. There was a cool women’s golf gallery that had some old golf clubs that were turned into an art piece. There were also some manakins on display that featured some very artistic throwback styles of old womens golf clothes. We both enjoyed the creativity at the museum, art is such a pleasure to observe with someone else that has an eye for it.
I gotta say after two dates I’m pretty impressed with this. Okie chick. We have so many things in common, laugh hard, and truly enjoy hanging out with each other. The second date we kissed goodbye at the end, I didn’t even try grabbing her tits, I enjoyed her company enough that I wasn’t willing to risk pissing her off over a boob squeeze. I will wait on that one. I head back to OKC in a few weeks and have another date lined up with her. Should be a good time, looking forward to hanging with my Okie Chick!
Time For Crossfit Fat Ass
August 4, 2018
Wake Up Fat Ass! It’s Crossfit Time!
Put the Twinkie and soda down fat boy, it’s time to Wake Up! and smell the coffee!! Life is short, not as short as your pecker, but it’s damn short! If you want this thing to end sooner than is natural keep eating junk and sitting on your ass, if you want to live a long healthy life you better start thinking about a few things that are going to make a difference in your timeline. One of those things is diet, the other is exercise. There are a dozen ways to skin a cat, the same goes with diet and exercise chunk-boy! You gotta find a diet that works for you, stop stuffing your face and learn about a little thing called eating in moderation. Thanksgiving is once a year, not weekly porker! When you add some exercise to those kind of eating habits you get results and those results I’m talking about is good health. So, now that we have the diet all figured out and you know that healthy foods in moderation are going to give you a better chance at living than your McDonalds diet you are currently hogging out on, it’s time to talk exercise. You can get buy walking the block, pumping the rusty weights in your folks backyard, or doing P90X in your basement, but if you want to make real strides you will join a gym. Getting into a gym and training in an environment where you can get support from the people there is gonna push you to get off your ass and play hard. You gotta get that heart rate pumping, sweat pouring, and body aching. Going half ass isn’t going to get you the results you need and want, so go hard or go home!
The hottest workout routine in town is Crossfit. Interval training has proven to be a successful way to lose weight and gain lean muscle. If you have never heard of it, or never tried it, you are in for a real surprise when you start throwing weight around and jumping from station to station with your fellow crossfitters. Now, like anything else there are gyms that do it and there are gyms that do it right! I have searched the web for legit resources about crossfit and found this resource about Boxing Inc Crossfit in Tucson and found that these guys are some of the most legit competitors in the country. Their team of crossfit competitors have been competing professionally regionally and around the country. You wanna lose some weight chunk? Join a gym like Boxing Inc and get some professional guidance as you navigate your way through the crossfit circuit. Once you are able to complete a circuit competitively, you can officially shed your title of fat ass and star calling yourself bad ass!
Balding In Sports
August 2, 2018
The Athlete And The Receding Hairline
Athletes are notorious for wearing caps and helmets during game time, at least in baseball and football. But there are plenty of non hat/helmet wearing athletes that fall victim to hair loss. Is that hereditary or are these guys rock’n hats in their off time. I’m not even really sure what causes hair loss to be honest, I just know that there are a lot of athletes that are walking around with half a head of hair. Football players have high receding hair lines and I can almost guarantee that it’s due to the helmets they have worn since high school. Baseball players are constantly wearing caps during the game and when in the outfield. But basketball players don’t wear any caps during the game and most of them are bald. I realize that for many it’s a style, but for the many others that don’t rock it as a style, the bald look is something they actually don’t want to be seen with. Many athletes trim up other areas of their body and go hairless on their tattooed arms, but the head is a whole other story. I’ve rocked long hair most of my life, so the crew cut style look has never really appealed to me. I can’t imagine that Lebron James is thrilled about his head of hair, or that any other basketball player that is losing his mop is happy about that. So what do you do? Sign up for an NBA hair transplant? If you are making millions playing sports I say fugettaboutit! You don’t need a head of hair to attract women. The massive bulge in your wallet should draw the attention of the finest babes in town, and if they aren’t attracted to you, just buy their love for a night, it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than falling in love! Hair loss among your average guy doesn’t seem as rampant as it does in professional sports. I know many guys on personal levels and business acquaintances that have full heads of hair, I know more guys with hair than without. So what does that say about all these balding athletes? Is it the supplements they are taking? Is it the constant hat wearing, keeping disguises 24/7 while in public? That has to wear away at the hair follicles on your head and leave your top short on hair. For those of you that wear hats on the daily and are noticing some thinning around the edges, wake up! If you don’t stop with all that hat wearing you will indeed lose your hair.
Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead
August 1, 2018
Brain Dead In Denver Doing Stuff
Remember that movie from the 90’s called Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead with Andy Garcia and Steve Buscemi? If not, check it out because it was a pretty slick flick! Anyway, I was in Denver last month visiting a buddy and we were definitely looking for things to do in Denver, brain dead! Yup, weed in legal now in Colorado, which makes Denver a place to waste your mind! Not only did we drink like fish, we smoked like chimney stacks and ate enough edibles to sedate an elephant. Denver was cool, we hung out near Coors field and drank Coors Light all night! That came after we drank local brews all day and needed to water down our blood streams. Switching to Coors Light after drinking IPA all day is really like switching to water. We had to sober up, so light beers and marijuana edibles were a great way to sober our minds and get ready for the night life. We started out around 4pm for some real bar hopping, that came after drinking at least 15 beers each and getting stoned off some Colorado Chronic. I’m not gonna lie, we were ripped when we set foot out onto the streets of Denver and it was nonsense from the get-go. We started talking smack the second we hit the street and almost got in a fight with some local thugs, my buddy stripped down to his underwear and these dudes wanted nothing to do with us. It was a pretty epic moment and we couldn’t stop laughing about it the rest of the night. We wandered by some store front properties and ventured through some of the stores, poking around at gadgets and random locally made goods. We came across an epic find when stumbled into Franks Denver Barbershop to buy some hair gel. We started drunk talking with the barber who ended up being a hell of a guy.
Buying Property In Rocky Point Mexico
August 1, 2018
Investing In a Vacation Property In Mexico
I like Rocky Point Mexico, you really can’t beat that trip to the sandy beach resort area. The beaches are beautiful, the sands are soft and powder like, the waters are blue, and the vibe is typically fun and entertaining. Rocky Point is a vacation destination for many families in the South West and the place starts to get real live during the holidays. The people show up there during the holidays to party, and the party is always live in Rocky Point. If you have never been there you are missing out on a great family vacation destination that is close to the border. It’s my preference to visit Mexico as close to the border as I can. Places like Cancun are a little deeper than I want to travel with my wife and kids. As a single guy I didn’t mind making the trip into the heart of Mexico, I have survived every situation thrown at me so far in life and the middle of Mexico didn’t bother me any, but traveling there with my family is a whole different story. That is why Rocky Point has been so appealing over the years. The real estate market there has been pretty affordable as the place has been developing over the last 15-20 years.
Wake Up And Smell The Cannabis
July 28, 2018
Wake Up – It’s Not A Dream – Weed Is Being Legalized
Stoners rejoice! Weed is being legalized around the country and we can finally puff some herb without having to duck the authorities. Back in Jr. High I was nabbed by campus security for blazing a J out in the woods just of the school property. This jack ass was creep’n through the woods off campus trying to bust us and he got me. Looking back though, dude was alright. He took my weed and gave us a big brother kinda talk and let us go, in those same woods in Washington State smoking weed is legal. Its about time they come around on this, alcohol has long been the governments poison of choice because of the complete control they have over it and the money they make taxing it. I think there is some fear that they can’t control this industry like they want, the FDA is working hard to make sure they create more monopolies, and that the small guys aren’t interfering with the crooked efforts of the real drug dealers in D.C. Enough of that rant though, we are living in a time were more government officials around the country are acknowledging that marijuana and CBD oils have some value in our society and shouldn’t be outlawed. People that use marijuana definitely shouldn’t be imprisoned over a sack a weed. Unfortunately there are people sitting in the bing as I type this that have been locked away over some weed smoke. That is an absolutely ridiculous though if you take a step back and think about what that statement says. Basically, if you burn and inhale the smoke of a plant that grows naturally on this earth then you are a criminal. Seriously? That is absurd, too much control over everything and big government will be wedging itself in the middle of this money making opportunity to ensure they control it all. Weed is being legalized in around the country and already is in Washington State, Oregon, Nevada, California, and Colorado.
There are other states on the east coast that have also joined the 420 club, I’ll make my way there eventually. One concern I have is that a company like Monsanto will takeover the cannabis industry by swooping in and getting pattens on weed seeds so that farmers are strong armed into buying GMO seeds from these monsters and the idea of smoking organically grown weed then becomes this commercialized product owned and controlled by companies like Monsanto. Hurry up and get your anti Monsanto t shirt here. My goal is to buy up as many marijuana seeds as I can and start a seed safe. Having a safe full of weed seeds will protect our future from the potential monopolized threat that big government poses on the industry. You can legally buy seeds in any of the states that have legalized marijuana. I took a drive to Boulder, Colorado and bought marijuana seeds from Helping Hands Dispensary and have kept them in my seed safe with some other collections I have purchased over the years. If we don’t wake up and smell the cannabis, we might find ourselves enjoying legalized marijuana in the commercially controlled environments that the government wants us in.
Hitchhiking To Titusville
July 27, 2018
My Journey To Titusville Florida
More Wakeup moments for you to enjoy. When I was young I was dumb and gave zero fucks about anything. I was living in Texas and working for a construction company doing random handyman gigs. I was living on the couch of a buddies place and was pretty broke for the most part. I had some cash stuffed in a shoe box, no bank account, and no property that I owned including a car. There were some friends in Florida that were having the time of their lives (according to their facebook profiles) and I made the decision to head out to Florida and maybe get a job at Disney World or something cool like that. Bartending was also on the radar, I was thinking Miami Beach and the night life there and sounded amazing. So that was the dream, head out to Florida, meet up with my friends, and become a bartender of the night life or a Disney World employee.
Hitching A Ride To Florida
I was going to grab a bus out to Florida but wasn’t sure if I could stand being on a bus with a bunch of freaks for hours and not having control over the journey. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, I had no car, so the bus was clearly the best option. Then the night before my departure I met these lesbian girls at Nepalese wedding. It was a strange encounter for sure, the feminine one in the relationship was beautiful, the man of the bunch was far less attractive, and yet I still caught myself undressing them both with my eyes and picturing them in action. They were also leaving for Florida except Miami was not part of their travel plans, they were heading to Titusville Florida to elope and find work. I knew they were making the drive so I followed them to their apartment that night to find out where they lived. My plan in the morning was to catch them on their way out of town with my thumb up. It sounds a little absurd, but it worked. I grabbed my bag in the morning and stood out on the street in front of their apartment and they took the bait. Oh, what a coincidence it is seeing you guys here, I’m on my way to Florida also, can I catch a ride? And that’s how I hitched a ride to Florida.
The drive wasn’t bad, the three of us hit it off like Threes Company and we covered ground pretty quick. There were a few stops to eat and pee, other than that we didn’t waste time stopping at any tourist destinations, we just plowed through like champs.
I had dreams of Miami, but the girls were destined for Titusville. Prior to them telling me about it I had never even heard of Titusville. These awesome ladies were nice enough to ask if I wanted to go in on a place with them and of course I wanted too. We ended up renting a house on a 1 year lease and the journey to find work began. Disney World was way out of the question and the bars in Titusville definitely didn’t have the appeal of those Miami bars I had seen online and in the movies. I jumped online and came across some job listings on the Titusville Craigslist page. I wasn’t interested in any labor jobs and the best thing I could find that paid a decent wage was a strip club out in the sticks. Well, that wasn’t appealing either. So I opted into trying my hand at labor. I replied to an ad from a Titusville roofing company that was offering $15 an hour for some shlep work and I jumped on it. I lasted about three months before the labor became too much for me. My hands were meant to pour drinks, take theme park tickets, and surf the internet. I was not meant to nail down shingles or pick up scraps around the ground of residential properties. Our stint in Titusville was short lived, we bailed out of there after the 1 year lease was over. I’m not sure what happened to the girls, they were definitely done with me and my perverted comments. I drove down to Miami and tried to get a job as a high profile bartender but never made it past bussing tables. Miami was a wild time, more great stories to share about my time in Miami, but I’ll save that for another time.